After being let down by another seemingly promising relationship, I started hearing the same advice from people closest to me. "You're too much for him," "You're too aggressive," "You expect too much," "He's shy, you scared him off." After hearing this over and over from people who know me best, I did some serious self-reflection.
Here's the thing: I don't ask for too much. I pride myself on my self-awareness and am brutally honest with myself; I'd admit if I was being overly aggressive. Expecting to not be ignored for two weeks when he's out of town? Expecting a text once every few days to say what's up? Expecting a relationship to progress when I'd made my intentions clear from the get-go?
I expect a lot because I am worth a lot.
I'm confident in what I have to offer, and I'm not offering that to anyone who's not meeting me halfway. I refuse to play games. If I like you, you're going to know I like you. If I want to see you, I'll ask to see you. If you're pissing me off, you can bet your ass I'm going to let you know. As women, we're constantly told from the time we're young that we shouldn't stir the pot, that we should stay quiet and submissive and wait for things to come to us. F*ck that. I'm a confident woman, and if I want something, I'm not hesitating to go after it.
An equally "aggressive" female friend of mine recently worded my sentiments perfectly: "I want a big life for myself; I want everything." How can we create the huge lives that we want and deserve if we're constantly being told to wait? To chill out because we're too much? To not speak up because we might scare someone off? We can't. If we're constantly reprimanded for being "too much," at what point does everyone else need to catch up and be more? The ones who expect people to be better, who want a bigger life and who expect more out of it, need to stop shrinking themselves to make the small people feel comfortable.
So don't shrink yourself. If you're dating someone who makes you question yourself or second-guess sending a text because he or she might get startled? Leave. Or better yet, send the text. Make your expectations known. Don't settle. If anyone makes you feel like you're asking for too much, they're too small for you. Find someone bigger. And don't listen to people who tell you you're too much. Instead, inspire them to be bigger — to be more open, more accepting, more communicative, more raw. Set your bar so high that only the people on your level can reach you. Build the biggest life you can imagine and fill it with people who help expand it. Never, ever shrink yourself: you deserve everything.